Sunrise October 24,  2007 - Santiago / Modjeska Canyon, CA  Fire -  Photo By Danielle Helms

Every parent contemplates what one must endure when confronting the death of a child, and realizes that the mere fleeting thought is overwhelming and distressing. The fierce reality of the debilitating grief and trauma that our family has endured since the passing of our Kristin, has taken us well beyond any experience we had ever imagined. This intense assault manifests itself emotionally, mentally and physically leading surviving parents into a greatly altered existence. Unbearable pain and a continuous longing to hold the deceased child, replaces peaceful joy and contentment. As the initial shock begins to lighten, a harsh fact remains . . .This agony is now part of our daily existence for many years, and to a degree forever. The "would have, could have, and should have"  torment becomes a constant mental dance, as despair lays it's foundation and sets in. The personal grief struggle is immense. One never conceives that nausea would become a replacement for hunger for many months. It seemed very clear that support through therapy was essential, moving far beyond beneficial. A friend recommended that we make contact with a kind, compassionate, understanding and highly knowledgeable therapist, Suzette M. Spence, MA, MFT.

Thankful and grateful often comes to mind, as the therapy relationship is a gift and a blessing in the midst of the unimaginable. At the core of a dark and oppressive grief journey are redefined relationships and disappointments, in addition to the ongoing suffering and heartache . The shock and trauma of intense debilitating grief changes everyone and everything in reality and in perception. Some friends and family are more resilient and understanding than others. Often overwhelmed close family members also in misery, are not able to offer encouragement and comfort as needed. The therapy experience clarifies human behavior and brings a greater understanding to all relationships and circumstances. There is a level of peace that rests upon an experience or relationship when there is understanding from a therapeutic perspective. Suzette Spence provides a private, sincere and supportive atmosphere, which has immensely aided in the road toward healing. In the process, the passing months lend growing pockets of space and time between the constant suffering.

Nobody knows what a new day will bring and few if any, are prepared for a crisis of catastrophic proportions. Most of us do not calculate a horrifying loss that leaves a deep and empty ache that permeates the depths of the human soul. In all of life's unpredictable problems, loss, heartache, challenges and difficulties, therapy is a tool for healing. It sparks a new beginning and understanding of oneself, which brings a clearer vision in all relationships. In a devastating world of pain, a therapist is the anchor in the unpredictable weather of life. A very kind, compassionate, thoughtful, caring rescue in the most horrifying of life's fire storms. As the sun rises to each new day, there is relief in beginning to stand above the piles of the suffocating ash of grief. Without the proper professional assistance and support, the ash threatens to cover, consume and take the breath of life. Ongoing therapy and a faith in God, have been major keys to progress, growth and healing. Sue has walked along side, helping with each step week by painful week, and at times seemingly carried the heavy emotional wounds when a step forward appeared impossible. Improved  insight and an increasingly optimistic perspective continues most days, resulting in better health, hope, life and the ability to find the daily strength to honor precious Kristin's memory.


    My Precious Daughter Kristin
      I feel a constant breathlessness in my soul,
      As every minute of every day I miss you.
      I yearn to hear your voice again, 
      Now only in my mind do I hear that familiar, "Hi Mom."
      I ache for your warm and loving hugs,
      And the laughs and silly inside jokes we shared.
      I often see you in the eyes of a toddler or the smile of a teen,
      Now your future wedding day will forever remain a dream.
      I miss my exercise buddy and gym partner,
      And our long walks and talks together on the lake.
      I cry to know you should graduate this June of  2008,
      And crave to help with a prom dress in preparing for a date.
      I will never "get over"  losing my precious "Angel Baby," 
      You were a gift from God for 16 years and 40 days,
      A blessing that nothing in this world can replace.
      My artistic, talented, intelligent, science-minded,
      Sensitive, compassionate, loving, beautiful,
      Precious and irreplaceable Kristin -
      I  loved being your mom.

      Danielle Helms